Explorations
Current Soundtrack: "Al Ahavatcha" by Yehoshua Engleman (a beautiful piyut composed by Rabbi Yehuda haLevi about how he counts down the days until Shabbos. See it here, althougth the song has slightly different words and doesn't have the last two verses.)
Back from a Shabbos with my sister, brother-in-law and nephew. It is amazing to watch my nephew explore the world. He is at the really cute toddling stage. He can point to "nose" and "knee" and loves taking "bath." He keeps himself busy by purposfully toddling over to an object, picks it up, looks at it, sticks it in his mouth and bangs it on the nearest surface.
Watching him discover the world by in such a tactile way got me thinking about my own worldly explorations. How do I percieve the world? I too test things out - not by sticking them in my mouth! - but by cautiously easing a toe into the water. Slowly, slowly. I like to develop plans rather than just take the plunge. That way I am less frequently surprised and can also try to use the experince to it's fullest.
But still, how I'd love to throw caution to the wind for once and just impulsively jump on a plane for a last minute weekend getaway or dance to the music like I really meant it. But my sense of propriety, caution and need for structure holds me back. In part, this is also because of my sense of tzniut - I feel like it might not be so tzinus, even in an all female venue, to reveal yourself in such an exposed way, like really dancing. Male or female - tzniut is about your personal modesty, which is between you and God. Even if no one is there, there is still a need for humbleness and modesty before God.
A good friend of mine (who grew up thinking the way to board a plane was to run for the gate because the plane was about to leave) has helped me see that spontinaity can be fun! Cook without a recipe! Try something new! You can figure it out as you go along!
So for now, I still arrive on time (which I think is a good thing!) and I still have an itinerary for my vacations, but I admire the adventuresome spirit of those who sail forward boldly into the unknown, eager for the challenge and heedless of the potential pitfalls.
Back from a Shabbos with my sister, brother-in-law and nephew. It is amazing to watch my nephew explore the world. He is at the really cute toddling stage. He can point to "nose" and "knee" and loves taking "bath." He keeps himself busy by purposfully toddling over to an object, picks it up, looks at it, sticks it in his mouth and bangs it on the nearest surface.
Watching him discover the world by in such a tactile way got me thinking about my own worldly explorations. How do I percieve the world? I too test things out - not by sticking them in my mouth! - but by cautiously easing a toe into the water. Slowly, slowly. I like to develop plans rather than just take the plunge. That way I am less frequently surprised and can also try to use the experince to it's fullest.
But still, how I'd love to throw caution to the wind for once and just impulsively jump on a plane for a last minute weekend getaway or dance to the music like I really meant it. But my sense of propriety, caution and need for structure holds me back. In part, this is also because of my sense of tzniut - I feel like it might not be so tzinus, even in an all female venue, to reveal yourself in such an exposed way, like really dancing. Male or female - tzniut is about your personal modesty, which is between you and God. Even if no one is there, there is still a need for humbleness and modesty before God.
A good friend of mine (who grew up thinking the way to board a plane was to run for the gate because the plane was about to leave) has helped me see that spontinaity can be fun! Cook without a recipe! Try something new! You can figure it out as you go along!
So for now, I still arrive on time (which I think is a good thing!) and I still have an itinerary for my vacations, but I admire the adventuresome spirit of those who sail forward boldly into the unknown, eager for the challenge and heedless of the potential pitfalls.
posted by Tempo at Saturday, August 19, 2006
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